Well, it was two weeks till Christmas Day and Carol knew her days over Christmas would be the same as every other year for the last few years, well in fact ten years.
Carol would hold her normal Christmas party for all her close friends, she would cook a Cordon bleu meal fit for a king ,a banquet for her friends , some just users as Tony would say. She would laugh at the same jokes and pour everyone a glass of Moet Champagne ,toasting them all, play a few silly party games and play the normal mix of sixties songs where everyone would jig about with grins on their faces. Carol always spent a lot of money on food and wine, but money was no object, she had a very well paid job, although it wasn’t always the case.
She was now a director of a fashion design company in London Mayfair. Most of her friends were from the same circle of wealth, either daddy’s riches or self-made. Carol would buy a top designer dress for the evening, wear her gold and diamond jewellery, all especially cut from Hatton Garden where she often bought her friends presents. Then, after a very late night, she would crawl into bed and before sleep hit, she would think of Tony. Her old life where she dreamed of riches but was cuddled up to Tony who was always by her side.
Tony had lost his job on the newspaper but had said as long as he had her he was happy with his life. They spent three gloriously happy years in each other’s company, laughing, dining and sleeping together. In Tony’s flat they would be happy with a ham egg and chips meal and a bottle of cheap Asti Spumante, which was their champagne.
Within three years of working for Anton Champs she had been promoted to manager and within the following two years there had been a position for a buyer in the company and they said she could go a long way. By the following year she had gone as high up in the company as she could but it had paid its price by losing Tony, and so for Carol it had been a huge price to pay for her riches.
Carol had been full of her fantastic job prospects and felt she must have bored the pants of Tony with constantly talking about how much the company thought of her, how well she had learned everything about the company of Anton Champs. Her flair for what to buy and what would sell well along with her dedication and eagerness made Carol the centre of attention.
Of course her relationship with Tony had suffered. Work had become her priority and she spent a lot of hours on the phone to different companies, attended a lot of meetings, and worked long hours. Finally she bought a penthouse suite overlooking the Thames and asked Tony to move in with her but he had declined and said his flat was near his new job and he couldn’t bring his cat Sam to a penthouse flat .His flat was ground floor. Soon after this every time he tried to see her she had a meeting or had to go somewhere for the weekend to purchase items. They had a row and said some hurtful things to each other and drifted apart. He said she had changed, was mixing with the Jet Set now and he didn’t feel a big part of her life anymore. He said a lot of so called friends were just there for a free ride and she now guessed he was right about some of them.
Carol still missed Tony and often had a lot of regrets over what had happened. Tony had wanted a family and she guessed he would now be happily married and possibly have children too. If only she hadn’t put work first. Carol had missed out on having a family simply because she had lived for her job.
That was ten years ago. She had ploughed herself into her business, making more and more money but realised she had never been truly happy since those few years with Tony.
Carol had a few relationships with men in the last few years but she just couldn’t settle with any of them. Soon Christmas would be here and there would still be the loneliness. Of course she had her friends and her dear mum and brother but no one to cuddle up with at night when she was left on her own.
After her Christmas Eve party she would entertain her mum and brother. Her brother and sister in law would pick up her mum on the way to her and she would do the traditional Christmas dinner for them. Her brother had two children, Simon who was five and Dillion who would be seven on New Year’s Day. Carol loved seeing them and she always made a big fuss of them as she realised she would possibly be childless unless she met someone soon as she was fast approaching thirty eight.
Carol was on her way to work the next day when she got off the mainline train at Charring Cross. She decided she would walk a while and see the Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square. Normally she got a bus or taxi straight to her offices in Mayfair. Carol tried to see the tree from Norway each year. It would gently sway in the breeze with its lights glittering and she always thought how beautiful it was, simple, but truly lovely. It made her feel like a child again, all warm inside.
As she walked past St Martin’s in the Field, she thought she heard singing and it made her stop and listen, the choir must be practicing or maybe a service was on. It was eleven in the morning and she was going to be later than she wanted for work but then there wasn’t anyone who was in a more senior position than she was to tell her off. She laughed to herself.
She had plenty of work to do though, a lot of designs to get ready, send to the printers and phone call to the buyers and import clients abroad who she needed to talk to. Of course everyone wanted everything now as it was Christmas and it was hard keeping up with everyone’s requests. Carol’s eyes focused on a notice outside. “Helpers wanted to give the homeless a better Christmas.”
A feeling came over her that she could help, why not she said to herself and she pushed the door open. Inside was a man who she realised was a vicar. She asked if they still needed help and he wrote her name down. She offered to be there Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. She couldn’t believe she had offered to help. Carol felt good inside but she wondered what her so called friends would say and her family.
At least she wouldn’t be bombarded by her mum saying “Have you met a nice man yet? Time’s ticking by, you’re not getting any younger.” Carol would ring her friends and say she wasn’t having her usual party Christmas Eve. They would be very surprised about her actions. Tina her close friend would say she had lost the plot, one of her favourite sayings.
Carol was feeling pleased with herself to be doing something good. She would be with people less fortunate than herself. She had plenty of money, more than she knew what to do with at times, a perfect life but always something missing and mainly that was Tony.
All day she felt she would burst with excitement for the first time in ages and really couldn’t wait to tell her so called friends, although some were real friends who she enjoyed being with, but some were there for the buzz.
Her family would still be able to see her Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day so she could still entertain or be entertained she thought. This Christmas at least would be different.
That night she told her friends, the ones that mattered of her plans. At first they thought she was winding them up, joking, until they realised it was true. Her mum kept saying “Don’t be silly Carol” until she realised it was true too.
As the days went by she kept wondering if she had done the right thing, but knew she would not let them down at the church hall.
When Christmas Eve arrived she went for a drink with a couple of friends in the afternoon and made her way to “St Martins in the Fields.” She wondered what she would find as she pushed the door open. As she walked in she just saw so many people, men and women, all dressed she guessed as best they could, with carrier bags that had seen better days as well as their clothes. There was an awful smell of unwashed people that she felt she might heave but refrained and carried on to find the organisers. They asked her to take over the soup station and bread rolls which she did willingly. There was a radio or cd playing Christmas songs to lighten the mood. Carol talked to people in the queue, passing the time of day but not really knowing what to say.
Carol finally left the church at 11.30pm and made her way to the all night tube feeling pleased with herself but nervous of the journey. Although being Christmas Eve there were a lot of people everywhere celebrating. When Carol got home she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
On Christmas Day she got up at 6.30am and dressed ready to go to the church. She knew she would have to go by taxi as there weren’t any buses or tubes. She also knew it would be an expensive ride there. Her neighbour Robert was up bright and early and wished her a happy Christmas as he saw her leave her apartment. He asked her where she was going that early on Christmas day and she told him. He was surprised and offered her a lift to Trafalgar square, as he could go that way to his sisters, he said. Robert had inherited the Penthouse flat from his rich uncle who had passed away earlier that year. He worked as a porter at St Thomas Hospital. She thought he was a nice man and had always said to pop in when she had her dinner parties, but he had always declined, saying it wasn’t his thing. He was a quiet man and seemed a bit of a loner but nice enough.
As Robert dropped her off at 7.45 she thought how kind he was and maybe she would invite him in for a drink in the evening or Boxing Day if not.
Mum always said “What about that nice man next door, is he single?”
“Mum he might be gay or he may have a girlfriend.” Carol would laugh.
When Carol arrived at the church she felt warm inside, a good feeling on Christmas Day. Decorations were up, she had never noticed them yesterday and the men there were chatting and laughing, everyone seemed happy and yet they had nothing. She pulled an old apron from her bag and set to see what jobs needed doing, It surprised her how many kind people were there giving up their Christmas Day for those less fortunate. Carol felt happy she was one of them. Father Christmas came round while everyone sat and had their dinner, which was a full Christmas dinner cooked in the little kitchen that was there. The long tables with rickety chairs had table cloths and crackers on in rows in the centre.
Glasses of orange juice and some fizzy wine that she guessed was sparkling fruit punch really and non-alcoholic due to the customers. There were little gifts for people to open, just socks, hats and scarves, all to keep them warm when living on the streets. She almost wished she could take them home with her but realised that would not be possible sadly.
A man came in from the kitchen while she was giving the meals out and he looked familiar. Her heart felt like it would burst when she realised he looked like Tony, but it couldn’t be could it? He had moved away, and was a lot bigger built and had a beard. He looked at her and just stared. She looked away feeling it was just wishful thinking and not to be so silly. She carried on giving the meals out as the men and women tucked in eagerly.
“Carol, is it really you?”
She dropped the plate in shock and ran to get a cloth to clear it up. As she bent down his hand went on hers.
“I can’t believe it “he said.
So it was Tony. What was he doing there, although she guessed he must have thought the same about her.
“It’s been so long, can we chat later?”
She nodded and felt she wanted to say so much but didn’t know where to start. Carol couldn’t believe it and carried on helping and chatting to different people, people she would never see again. Different stories to tell, some really interesting, telling her about how they became homeless with tales of their previous lives. Some sadly were alcoholics. All she could think about was speaking to Tony later as they carried on helping clear up and get ready to get the Christmas pudding and mince pies out.
After a very long morning and afternoon it was time to close the kitchen and Carol put on her coat and scarf and so did Tony. As the fresh air hit them and the biting cold wind, they walked along in silence for a while.
They then started talking at the same time and laughed as they used to.
“Perhaps we should see if anywhere is open to sit and chat” Tony said.
They found a little café obviously run by people who didn’t celebrate Christmas Day like they did. Carol told Tony about her life now and how she had climbed the ladder ever more but wasn’t very happy. Tony told Carol he had become a social worker and had helped out in St Martins in the Fields for the last two years. She told him how she had on the spur of the moment decided to help this year. She told him where she lived still overlooking the Thames and he told her he had a little girl who was five years old named Autumn and that he would have her tomorrow, Boxing Day. His wife had left him for someone else and he was in the middle of getting a divorce.
Carol said she had had a few relationships but nothing special and was still on her own with no children. After a coffee they walked along the embankment and sat on a bench overlooking the Thames. It felt funny it was Christmas Day, it was cold and yet she felt warm inside chatting to Tony. It felt almost like old times but so much had happened in their lives. Tony said he had moved to Kent with his wife but now that the house was sold he’d decided to be nearer to London and had managed to get a small flat on the Southbank that had needed a lot of renovating and he got it cheaper. He said his daughter had his bed if she stayed and he had the settee.
Tony said he had his car there and would give her a lift home if she wanted. She wanted to say yes so much but needed time to think, so many mixed feelings. She said not to worry she would walk as although cold it was a sunny day. She gave him a card with her phone number and address, a client card.
He laughed and said “Trust you to have a card.”
The walk home felt good, she felt good, and as she opened the door she could hear the phone ringing and knew it would be her mum to see if she was okay. As she picked it up to answer she heard Tony s voice.
“Can we make a date in your busy schedule?”
Carol smiled. “Yes, there are more important things in life than work.”
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