Have your house parties been getting a trifle dull lately? Same old people, same old chit-chat? Embarrassed when your wife/husband drinks too much and starts saying uncomplimentary things about mother-in-law? What you need is something to add a dash of excitement to your next do. We can offer the ultimate solution: Something that your friends just haven’t got in their house. The very latest in party entertainment? Yes….Your very own ghost!!!
We at Spooks ‘R’ Us can supply anything from sibilant whispers on the landing to a full-blown stagecoach complete with headless driver, from faces at the window to maniacal laughter in the cellar. We supply screaming skulls and masked demons, miscellaneous phantoms with rattling chains and a wide selection of bricked up scholars, clerics and political prisoners from all periods in history, placed behind walls or panels of your choice.
Why not surprise your friends with a company of ghostly World War 1 soldiers marching up your lawn and vanishing as they reach the house? Liven up your next garden party or barbeque with this, one of our latest lines. Or how about a transparent nun gliding across your lawn? Or a knight in full armour charging up your drive and disappearing into the garage?
We have access to the originals (or bona fide exact copies) of some of history’s most famous ghosts. For a very reasonable fee you can have Anne Boleyn coming down your staircase, or Sir Walter Ralegh sitting in that empty chair at your dining table, his severed head among the condiments or under his arm. The White Lady of Cressingham might visit your sleep over guests at midnight, or the Screaming Abbott of Glastonbury could peer over mother-in-law’s shoulder in the bathroom and ensure that she never visits you again.
Our overseas collection includes Abe Lincoln (with bullet wound), Peter the Great of Russia (on horseback – extra charge for galloping and leaping hedges), Robespierre and Marat (bath at no extra charge, but murder tableau with Charlotte Corday phantom by arrangement with Disney Corporation 1966), and one of our most successful lines Rasputin the Mad Monk, just the thing to put a new spin on after dinner coffee in the library.
Or why not try our inexpensive, all in, Poltergeist Phenomena package? This includes knocking and scraping behind wooden panels, wall writing, invisible hands on shoulders, spectral calling of names, passing of small objects in the dark, moving furniture and flying crockery (individually programmed to ensure that your best tea-service remains intact). For a very modest extra cost can be added to this our celebrated Séance Extension. Be your own medium with bio-degradable, no mess ectoplasm and your choice of a wide range of spirit guides including Chief Shinbone and The Celestial Gardener (Ouija boards extra).
Contact for full catalogue and price list, www.spooksrus.com
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